Theodore the Undertaker Bear

Yes, he is an undertaker, and yes he worships at the Altar of Darkness, but for all of the moodiness this Cancer exhibits, at the end of the day Ted is a total sweetheart who just wants to give hugs.

He loves to listen to heavy metal music while he works--nothing helps pass the time embalming the dead like some thrashing guitar solos. You know the mortician is in when the flower vases in the funeral home are shaking and you can hear him howling out to the undead.

But when the workday is done, he likes to relax (and soothe those vocal cords) by pouring himself a cup of grey tea and honey. Then it’s time to work on some of his watercolor paintings. They’re mostly fruit basket still lifes and the occasional depiction of Satan chewing off the head of a lamb.

His birthday cards are the most genuine and sentimental, and his shoulder is the one everyone goes to cry on. There’s no one with a bigger heart than Theodore. So try not to be alarmed by the fact he sleeps each night on an autopsy table and carries a vial of blood around his neck. Cause when there’s someone who needs a friend, he’s right there.